


Do You Want My Presence, Don't Need My Help?

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6585106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is my house, not the White House, and I say we are not having this conversation."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Want My Presence, Don't Need My Help?

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the Crowded House song, Fall At Your Feet.

CJ stood in her kitchen on a cold November afternoon making her own salad. It was something she had not done in too many months to count. While she was pregnant she usually prepared her own food, or had Leo prepare it for her. He was a whiz in the kitchen, though it was something he never really discussed. She was not, and it was well known. It was the day after Thanksgiving; Year 4 was ending. This year the holiday went off without a hitch: no defiant Native Americans, negotiations for the lives of turkeys, or incessant amounts of tears. CJ waited for the other show to drop.

Mitch walked into the kitchen and she smiled at him as she opened the refrigerator. Which dressing to choose; it seemed ridiculous that she had so many. He didn't quite return the smile and as CJ pulled out the honey mustard dressing, she looked at him with concern on her face.

"What's the matter? Is something wrong with Tim?"

"Tim is sound asleep. You have a visitor."

"Where?"

"Waiting in the den."

"Nora said she would probably be coming over around lunch time to unwind. Everything has been relatively calm since the reelection and I told her to take the day off with me but she thought she should go in…just in case. They are all workaholics."

"So are you." Mitch replied. "It's not Nora."

"Who? Oh come on Mitch, don't make me play 20 Questions. You have no idea how tired I really am."

"CJ, the President of the United States is sitting in your den."

She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Bullshit. I didn't hear a motorcade or a barrage of Secret Service agents. Is this your idea of a joke cuz I'm not falling for it. Its time for lunch."

"Look at my face sweetie; do I look like I'm joking? He is sitting in there waiting for you. I let him in."

Mitch did look extremely nervous, as if he had just met the Pope. It was then she realized he had never met Josiah Bartlet. What was he doing at her home? He had only been here a few times since she and Leo moved in and CJ was never quite comfortable. They had a few of their own agents, who would now be tighter around them since she had the baby. His agents were plentiful and they trampled through her house, inspecting everything as if a bomb would detonate any minute. She didn't feel safe in her own house. Walking into the den, she took a deep breath.

"Mr. President, you have to know I'm pretty surprised to see you. Can I get you a drink or something?"

"No, I had a lunch at the White House before I came over. Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

"OK."

CJ sat at the edge of the couch and crossed her legs. She really had no idea what he wanted.

"Well, I don't quite know…"

"Is there something the matter sir? Is something about to break in the press? Because if it is it must be huge if you've come to my home and I would just appreciate…"

"I am so sorry that I never told you I had MS."

"Excuse me?" CJ stood from the couch.

"Leo told you and it should have come from me."

"You're kidding right?" she mumbled.

"I'm sorry."

"A year and a half later you come to my house and apologize for almost ruining my whole life. Well, bravo Jed."

"CJ…"

"You know what, we are not having this conversation. I would really prefer if you just left now. I had every intention of having a peaceful four day weekend."

"We really should talk about this."

"No, we shouldn't. I don't know if you know this but I have a bit of a bad temper and it may just be better if we do not talk about this! Do not open this Pandora's Box!"

The President did not seem moved. He stood too, looking at his Press Secretary as she crossed her arms around her stomach. She had lost all of her baby weight; was back in full CJ grace and style.

"It has had an adverse effect on our relationship." He finally said.

"Yeah well, nice of you to notice a year and a half later. It has affected a lot more than that."

"I think we need to talk about it."

"That seems to be where we differ Mr. President. This is my house, not the White House, and I say we are not having this conversation. I do not appreciate you coming here like this…this is my home. Does Leo know that you're here?"

"I did not tell him." Jed replied.

"Why not? You knew he would tell you it's a bad idea. He does everything in his power to protect you and he certainly wouldn't have wanted you to deal with my wrath."

"We need to deal with this CJ. I feel as if you are the last Senior Staff member…"

"If you are getting ready to question my loyalty, I suggest you think twice."

"I was going to do nothing of the sort. You went to bat for me; you do every time. That's why I don't want our relationship to be like this."

"Our relationship is fine. It may not be if this conversation continues. What possessed you to come here?"

"I could not tell you CJ. After I saw the look on Sam's face, I couldn't see it again in yours. I thought I might be better coming from Leo…in case you got emotional."

"Emotional? That's what you were concerned about? You sent Leo into the lion's den once again and sent our marriage in a downward spiral because you didn't want to see me emotional? Everything went to hell because you didn't want me to get emotional?"

"It all happened so quickly CJ…MS, Haiti, Mrs. Landingham. I didn't know what to do."

Mitch walked into the room with Tim. CJ's eyes softened when she saw his bright hazel eyes. The President reached out his arms.

"CJ, may I?" he asked.

It took a minute before she nodded. She asked Mitch to close the door behind him when he left. Jed sat, holding Tim on his lap. The boy looked up at him with Leo's vibrant eyes. He reached absently for the President's tie.

"He's beautiful CJ…the image of Leo."

"Well, due to your lack of wanting to see my emotion, he almost wasn't born."

"What are you talking about?"

"My marriage almost ended because of your lies. Oh, excuse me, your omissions. Leo was willing to lie down and die for you…open himself to scrutiny beyond our wildest dreams in an effort to save you from yourself. After the Haiti flub, I almost lost everything."

"You blame me?"

"What do you think sir? However, what I don't want is some ridiculous rehashing of the past. I've moved on and you should too. If you feel guilt, please tell a priest."

"I am going to be President again CJ. The American people still believe in me. I need to make sure that my staff does."

"Your staff, or just me? I offered you my resignation and you wouldn't take it. This is where I belong."

They were quiet again. Tim gurgled in excitement when he finally got Jed's tie between his chubby fingers.

"Leo would do anything…"

"Don't you bring him into this!" she snapped.

Tim began to cry and CJ took him from the President's arms. She held him close to her chest.

"I want you to go and I need you to respect that. This is my home, my safety net, and I am not going to talk about this anymore."

"You know how much you mean to me Claudia Jean. You all do, and I want my family to be stronger this time around. An unstoppable force."

"Fine, no problem. Please leave."

"You've lost faith in me and it hurts."

"Yeah, doesn't it?" she rubbed Tim's back. "I was angry at you but it didn't matter. I had to go into full survivor mode to save myself, my husband, and your legacy. Leo exposed himself, Abbey lost her license, and I almost had a nervous breakdown. You got a slap on the wrist. Every Christmas I expect some disaster and you haven't failed me yet Mr. President. Any plans for 2002?"

"I am sorry CJ…for everything. I know how hard this time has been for you. I just want the next four years to be better."

"We all do. I have to feed my son. I'm sure Mitch will see you out. Good day sir."

She turned, going down the side hallway and into the kitchen. Mitch, in his infinite wisdom, put her salad in the refrigerator. She put Tim in his carryall, grabbing a bottle from the fridge. CJ heard the President and his entourage leaving…they certainly wouldn't go quietly. She grabbed the phone from the wall and punched in seven numbers as she put the bottle on the stove.

"Leo McGarry."

"If you are not in the middle of an international emergency, I need you home right now."

"What's the matter baby? Is Timothy alright?"

"Yes. Please come home Leo."

"Yeah. I just need some time to wrap this up. Forty five minutes OK?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

She hung up as Mitch walked into the kitchen.

"The motorcade is gone." He said.

"He had some nerve coming here, you now?"

"I'm sorry that he put a damper on your day off. God, it sounds so weird to say that about the President of the United States."

"Do not place him on a pedestal Mitch. He has faults, lots, and he lies and makes mistakes just like the rest of us. I love him and serve at his pleasure but that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything he does."

She turned off the stove.

"Could you feed Tim please? I am tired and I just want to lie down. Leo is on his way."

"Yeah."

Mitch nodded. CJ kissed her son's forehead and went up the back stairs to her bedroom.

Leo moved CJ's hair out of her face and she opened her eyes. She had not been quite asleep when he came into a bedroom. Sitting up on her elbow, CJ looked at her husband.

"What's the matter baby?"

"Jed Bartlet came here this afternoon."

"What? When?"

"He was leaving here when I called you."

"Charlie told me that he was in the residence sleeping off a headache. Why did he come here?"

"To apologize for not telling me to my face that he had multiple sclerosis."

"I don't understand." Leo replied.

"Neither do I. Leo, he…"

"Its OK CJ." He stroked her face.

"It is not OK. How dare he come to my home and open that damn can of worms? Questioning my loyalty and dedication to the Administration. This is not the goddamn mafia."

"I am sure he didn't mean…"

"Stop defending him!" she exclaimed. "You always do that and he knows it. He knows that he can do whatever he wants because you will take the beating."

Leo took a deep breath, placing his hands on her shoulders. He would not get into this fight with her…just recently had they stopped this fight. The McGarry marriage was back on track and that's where it was staying if Leo had anything to say about it.

"CJ, take a deep breath. We are not going to let the President's misguided attempts at whatever cause us to fight. Do you agree with me?"

CJ nodded slowly. She opened her arms and Leo held her. She kept taking deep breaths, trying to let go of her anger and sadness.

"We almost lost everything Leo." She whispered.

"We didn't though. We are still here and I love you so much. Don't let one incident take you down that road again. Please baby."

CJ nodded. She tightened her grip on him.

"I'm OK." It was a lie but if she said it enough times, it would prove true.

Leo pulled away, softly kissed her lips. CJ smiled and it was genuine.

"How often am I here this early in the afternoon?" he asked.

"Hmm…I think the last time you had the flu. You were completely unbearable."

Leo laughed. CJ loosened his tie and pulled it over her head.

"I am thinking this time you're not going to give me a headache." She said smiling.

"Uh uh, definitely not a headache."

***

Leo walked into the President's bedroom in the residence. Notre Dame football was on and Jed Bartlet was mesmerized.

"The Irish are hot today Leo. You think Michigan is doing as well against Nebraska?"

"Yes sir. I know for a fact that they're leading. In two weeks Notre Dame will be receiving the Coventry treatment."

"I didn't quite catch that. Did you say Michigan will be bowing down to the Fighting Irish in two weeks?"

"I think your TV may be too loud Mr. President."

Leo sat down on the couch and Jed smiled at him.

"I can figure out why you're here…it doesn't take a Nobel Prize."

"Even if it did you would still be able to figure it out. What possessed you?"

"She is hurting." Jed replied.

"Sir, please don't psychoanalyze my wife. Firstly, it is an insult to me, and secondly she hates it. CJ is fine, well she was until you drudged up all the bad memories."

"I just wanted to apologize. The whole mess affected her and I wanted to let her know how much I loved and appreciated her and everything she did. Her personal life fell apart and she fought for me."

"Next time send a Hallmark card sir." Leo replied.

"She doesn't hate me, does she Leo?"

"Of course not. She felt hurt, betrayed, and scared like everyone else. What you need to understand is she had a lot more to lose then say Sam, not to belittle Sam's experience one iota. She got the assault from both sides, as White House Press Secretary and as Mrs. Leo McGarry. We struggled for a while."

"Honestly, I did not know that your marriage took so many blows…that woman has an amazing poker face. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you were dealing with enough and the last thing you needed was to deflect. Anyway, my marriage is my business Jed. Half of the problems surfaced due to the fact that CJ being my wife made her part of a conspiracy. It was difficult to distinguish and we got lost for a few months."

"Yeah."

"Its over now and we should let it go. This second Administration is going to leave scars…I can feel it in my gut. Instead of rehashing past mistakes we need to straighten our backs for the mudslinging. CJ is our visual representative and she needs to stay clear and focused. What do you think?"

Jed was quiet for a while as he watched the action on the television. Notre Dame had their ball intercepted and he winced.

"I think you're right. She is a wife, a mother, and a Press Secretary. By the way, that little boy gets more beautiful every time I see him."

Leo could not help the smile spreading across his whole face at the mention of his son. CJ had given him the one thing he never thought possible. Who knew life could change at 58?

"Yeah, I have a son. I don't think anything I accomplish for the rest of my life will beat the first time I held Timothy in my arms."

"She did all the work." Jed replied.

"I know. Were trying again Jed, and I am telling you that in confidence…not that I need to say that. We're not spreading it around but we always wanted two children and we agreed pretty early on to have them close together."

Jed nodded.

"Good luck."

"CJ is pretty fertile sir…I don't think it will be a problem." Leo looked at his watch. "I have to go; I am going to be late. There are some things I need to do so that I can have the day tomorrow."

"Are you really going to take the day?"

"That is the plan right now. My wife knows me well; she is not holding her breath. She already made alternate plans for the afternoon."

"How does she not leave you?" the President asked.

"Good question. I get on my knees and pray about it every night Mr. President. I'll speak to you soon."

"Hey Carol, where are my budget memos? Toby will flip if I go to this meeting uninformed. I also need the First Lady's schedule for the Madrid trip…I needed it yesterday."

"Here you go."

CJ stood as the President of the United States walked into her office. He put some folders on her desk.

"There's also the Pentagon briefings and the Vice-President's schedule for the next two weeks. Please sit down CJ."

She sunk into her chair.

"Sir, you have to forgive me but I am not used to the President of the United States delivering my memos."

"I came to talk to you." He replied, tapping her fishbowl. Everyone seemed to do that when they were nervous.

"Yes sir, excellent idea. Our last talk went so well."

Jed smiled.

"It was wrong of me to come to your home and bring up those things. I should not have let my guilt affect you CJ."

"How about we just forget it sir…I know I want to. I am so busy right now so I don't have time to pencil in another nervous breakdown."

"Yeah."

The President stood from his chair, wiping imaginary dust from his slacks. For the first time CJ noticed the two agents outside of her office.

"Have a great day CJ."

"Thank you sir. Sir?"

He turned before he walked out the door.

"Yeah."

"You apologized…in Manchester. That was enough for me."

"Was it really?"

"Yeah. I am here because I want to be and I give 115% a day because I believe in you."

"Thank you."

Jed Bartlet walked out of the room and CJ took a deep breath. Something was coming, she could feel it. Something was coming that would knock them all off their feet.

***


End file.
